10 July 2020

Honestly what the hell… did 10 years of friendship mean nothing? We stood by each other through everything! I drove over 5 hours so many times to visit you at college. I was always just a text away to be there anytime you needed me. I should have seen the signs when you made your first friends in college. I was so happy for you, but I noticed how you stopped reaching out. I was the one who made the effort. And I had called you my best friend. Wow, that really hurts. This love I could have given someone else had I only known how little I meant to you. This is the worst. It hurts so bad, just like a breakup. Only in some ways it’s worse because you were not my boyfriend, you were my best friend. You saw me at my lowest. What changed for you? When did the change happen? God knows I would erase you from my heart if I could. I won’t make the same mistake with someone else. And I won’t let you make me fear loving someone else. But the fact remains that i cant just conjure up a best friend at will. That bond takes time. I would like to be able to look back and be grateful that you were there while you were, but right now all i feel is pain when i think of you. And i think of you often. I dont want to. But what do I do? I get so close to removing you on my social media but I cant get myself to finalize pressing that little unfriend button. But maybe I should. Yeah, I should. Because you dont deserve to see my life anymore and it’s too painful for me to be reminded of yours. I just removed you from Instagram and facebook. I do feel a weight lifted. I did the right thing. I’m still sad. This sucks so bad I never thought this would happen.